It may seem like there's not much to do these days while coping with my stress - loss of a dear friend - who I'm still very much grieving, sudden job loss while on mat leave, baby related sleep deprivation. These days, I seem to be burning the candle at both ends. The only thing that keeps me going is Kate's humour. She smiles and and claps at anything that I say. Now that she uses the "word" mama, which becomes mamamamama when she's upset, it pulls me back to reality and realize that I still have a good grip on my life. I'm exploring options to my professional life. I can't see myself being a full-time stay at home mom right now... Kudos to any parent who can - but I miss the hustle and bustle of a hectic office life. (How weird am I? I hate my job some days, but miss it terribly on others - maybe it's the presence of real adult interaction with no mention of babies.)
Recently, I've tried to pull back on my home business projects and start doing things for my family. Mainly of course, the peanut. I've been working on a quilt for her for the last 2 weeks and I'm really proud of it's outcome. I've been trying to get more exercise, we bike on a daily basis, and run twice a week. Morale is still the same. I thought I was coping with all of life's events - but sleep walking has started, jumping out of bed at night, the occasional crying fit and more recently, the shooting pains in the head. All books and posts read read: "Keep life simple, you have a baby." Problem is, I don't know how. The kitchen's a mess, the laundry's piled up, the house needs a deep cleaning and my hair looks like a rat's nest. I'm unhappy with that part of my life, but not much can be done when we're keeping spending to a minimum (so a maid service is not even questionable) and I don't have much of a support system nearby - phone calls yes! Presence no.
"Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your emotions! Define your schedule!" blah blah blah... just Keep on Keeping on. Finding a balanced life and some sort of relaxation is really what I'm after these days. Don't get me wrong - I'm not in this alone, I have a very supportive partner and when he comes home from work, he takes over. I envy those who have mom nearby to whisk baby away for a day. To those I say "I hate you." Just kidding, but only a little.
So back to applying to a bunch of jobs where I'll receive the inevitable "I'm sorry, we have nothing to offer you at the moment since we are also under review" email. I have a few back-up plans - my own shop, my own art studio,... something will happen. I just can't afford to go crazy when this crazy bean is laughing at me.